A Revealing As The Leaves Fall Away

 

Fall, the season I am living both literally and symbolically as I find myself at an age considered the fall of life.  The work of fall has to do with leaves:  much change in appearance, much letting go, sweeping away that which is finished,  looking at who we are as we become bare, as we watch "things" fall away, things such as youth, physical beauty, careers if we retire, fame if we have accomplished it, successes and accomplishments.....all kinds of attachments.

In fall we become naked before ourselves.  I say "ourselves" because, after all, it is only ourselves we fool with all our attachments and outward coverings!  Bare of all those things I have covered myself with (talents, successful career, a look or attitude that attracts the opposite sex, publicity, possessions)....STUFF.  Naked.....all the leaves having fallen away, WHO AM I? 

This is what interests me now.  Is my core substance such that losing the leaves I am even more....because I shine from my core.  This is my hope; and in this hope is a resolve to let go (to grow old) with a grace that lessens the fear of ageing for my children....well for all who know me.

Life, death, consider them equals, and so they are, one as certain as the other.  One as important to the purpose of existence as the other.

So in this fall of 2010 I hope that you allow your inner beauty to grow and to shine.  There is purpose in the fact that fall is so beautiful.  And always fall triggers such introspection. See that it is the deep down authentic you, the real you, stripped of all the coverings, that is truly an expression of the joy and wonder that is life.



Give A Carrot!

Jason, my oldest son, his wife Renee and my two little grandsons, Jaden and Skylar, were here for the Halloween weekend.  It happens that my youngest son, Jeremy, and his wife, Meaghan, are recently the proud owners of a horse named Phoenix.  I won't go in to how this came about, but there is a whole other story there (I say this with a smile).  We took the boys to meet Phoenix; Jaden anxiously waited to feed Phoenix a carrot.  Phoenix loves carrots, and, in fact, yesterday Meaghan told me that Phoenix was getting a bit too fond of treats and therefore checking hands and pockets of every human he had the chance to meet.  Do you think he might be suffering from "entitlement?"

Carrots, as we all know, are very good for you.  The beta-carotene is good for your eyes, as is the fact that carrots convert to vitamin A in the body which also improves eyesight and helps you see better in dim light.  Beta-carotene in carrots is also an antioxidant that helps protect you from heart disease, cancer and macular degeneration.  Alpha-carotene, another benefit from carrots has been shown to protect from lung cancer.

The point is, if you are said to "Give a Carrot" you are giving something good for the receiver.  This brings me to the point of my ramblings today:  politics.  I do not typically get into politics except in very private situations.  I have long considered myself an "Independent."  I have in the past voted both sides of the ticket.  BUT,  like so many in this country I am absolutely disgusted with politics.  I am sick of the name calling, the blame, the black and white thinking, the refusal to work across "party lines" for the good of the people.  I am appalled to find that in spite of the fact that our President Obama won the Presidential seat only two years ago, with our country in the midst of TWO wars, right after the collapse of our major financial institutions and the spiraling downward of our stock market AND the bail out that was called by then President Bush a "necessity for saving our economy" many people in this country actually now "see" him, Obama, as to blame for it all.  Two years??? Do you suppose that is enough time to actually "fix" all that was wrong?  And to do so when your opposing party has said "NO" to cooperating with you in any way?  By the way, the consensus from experts from both parties is that we had to bail out these institutions.

Well that is my first frustration.  My second is that there seems to be an absolute "refusal" to work together among the heads of our two party system.  We are in trouble.  I don't care who is to blame (though from my perspective it appears to be the fact that we are now a global economy, like it or not; and our corporations have the wealth and the power to do whatever they want and to even buy off our congressmen and women.)  Remember, corporations are not patriotic unless they are headed by honest and patriotic executives.  Corporations are world wide citizens, moving wherever and whenever they can find cheaper labor and fewer regulatory inhibitions to their money making purpose.  THEY ARE NOT PEOPLE.  They do not have conscience nor empathy.  They do not "give a carrot!"

And are you aware that corporations can now contribute however much money they wish without having to say where it comes from to any campaign (and remember, they do have the money).  Do you not suppose this could mean they can also buy the candidate that best fits their interest?

So, isn't it time we SEE.  "GIVE A CARROT."  We are in trouble.  We have millions who have no health insurance and others having to declare bankruptcy due to illness, we have seniors who have to decide whether to forgo food or medications, we have poor right here in our ghettos and even in our rural areas who need help, we have a middle class that has been dwindling in numbers for the last 50 years.  It IS our middle class that carries the brunt of our tax burden.  And, by the way, it is a historical fact that a culture's strength and stability is directly proportionate to the strength and stability of its middle class.

EAT A FEW CARROTS.  They help us "see" the truth in our situation.  I think we have to stop reacting to the fear politics around us and take the time to look into what it is that will really help change things.  I guarantee you it is not about being Democrat nor Republican (NOR Tea Party).  It is not about defending the Constitution, it is not about whether or not our President is Muslim or a US citizen (that anyone can believe either of these persisting rumors really blows my mind).  It is about whether or not we can really "give a carrot" and put some time and effort into knowing the truth of our situation and seriously looking for ways to make changes.

It shook me last night when a teen in my class began sharing how depressed and hopeless she was feeling.  This was the case on many levels, but when she got into politics and how the condition of our country and its politics were affecting her, and the rest of the group chimed in in agreement, it really got to me.  She said she no longer felt "hope" that she could make her "dreams" come to fruition.  She said she was sick of our major political parties refusing to work together to figure out how to fix things.   Basically she was saying she has lost "the American dream."  This conversation went on to include how many teens each of these in my class knew who felt suicidal because of this hopelessness.  I think we must take this seriously for the sake of our children.  If we don't stop fighting and blaming and reacting and start really doing something constructive we are failing our children.  I really believe this.

So, the point of this blog today is to ask that you "Give a Carrot"....that you really care enough to do all in your power to stop the negativity and give from your heart something healthy, something that enhances the ability to "see" our way out of this mess we find ourselves in.  I believe we are the greatest nation in the world, but I also believe if we keep abusing this position we can lose it.  I do "give a carrot!!"

Cleaning In The Studio

                                          Classroom Studio


(Oct. 23, 2010, Jan Groenemann)


Saturday and feisty fall,
Outside my studio door
The wind blowing in with the leaves a fall thunderstorm
Forcing the chimes to scream more than sing
I find myself cleaning, clearing clutter
Pulling everything out, making it visible
Wrecking the order of my space
In order to discover and discard

Up on the top shelf in the far corner I find
Yellowed envelopes filled with written pages
I slide them out, taking a seat at an empty table
Here, reading from the mind of my much younger self
Young wife, mother of three small sons
One already diabetic
Trying desperately to keep a marriage together
That was destined to die

Hanging on, with my words
To a religion that ran low on regard
For a woman who needed strength
Who needed to know
It was OK to demand commitment
And respect and focus
Whose teachings of submission
Allowed for coping co-dependency

Even then I was optimistic
In my openly lonely situation
Learning to mother
Learning to give endlessly
Learning to love unconditionally
Learning to fly
Learning to let go
Let go, let go, let go

Filling black bulging bags
One after the other
Saying goodbye to the girl
The young mother
The submissive wife
The writer of religious themes
And stories, making space
Allowing for the changes that came

Giving birth to the woman
The mother of sons and grandsons
The friend to daughters-in-law
Loving unconditionally
Even the man whose side she left
So that the artist and poet
And mature spiritual being
Was allowed to emerge

I slide the writings back into the envelope
Even the one about “learning to fly”
And the poem titled “wife friend”
Even the girl, the young woman
Whose smile is still on my face
And whose belief that
In all things there is purpose
Still lives in my heart.

Leaves: A New Perspective

Leaves: A New Perspective


Spiraling downward on invisible currents,
Sailing on updrafts, leveling, landing
Gathering as a conference; colorful and individual
As members of a happy crowd
They dance and gossip
On the tarmac that is my drive
Moving in as close as possible to my door
Waiting there, quietly, out of the range of fall gusts
A steadily growing crowd of fall leaves
Their last wings
Final meeting
Waiting


It has frustrated me in past falls
This constant gathering, whispering, waiting
That they do at my doorway
As if hoping to sneak in on sneakers
Or breeze in on boots
Keeping me sweeping, sweeping
No end it always seems to the
Trail of crumbled colors
Descending into dust
To be vacuumed up
Discarded and dumpstered
A constant chore


As they leave the classroom, the group of teens
Who have sat and shared
discussed and drawn characters from their imaginings
For the last hour and a half
A fasting from the fall fury of school
And homework, SAT’s, exams
I complain about the levee of leaves that blocks the door.
Hearing them crunch beneath Rebooks, Nikes,
My background chorus as I say,
“Goodnight, have a good week.”
“They are all gathering here,” they cheer
“They love your house!!!”


Leaves, gathering here in safe haven?
Nature’s palette of creative colors
Floating, hovering, piling one on another
Inviting games like dig potato
Or offering to model
For rubbings or paintings
Or even just reminders of the myriad of colors
That only fall can conjure
Leaves for lessons
In letting go or going with the flow
A new perspective:
Leaves

New Work Completed

"Doorway With Curtain"

                                       "Doors Bleeding Time"

Sharing A Wonderful Fall Evening

Fall is my favorite time of year, and one of my favorite things to do is to sit outside with the smells and colors of fall, especially in early evening when there is that glow that only fall brings.  It is as if the colors from the leaves are rising like a fog and tinting the predusk light.  I swept my deck and cleaned the filters in the pond then decided to sit on the deck and sip a glass of iced water  The mood was so perfect that I came in and got my camera and did this shot.  I added a toss of leaves and and the wine  and glasses just because what adds most to such a perfect fall evening is great conversation with someone you love.

I had hoped to capture the glow, but my camera was just inadequate for that.  Still, I think you can get the idea.

When I came in to check my blog and prepare to do this post I noticed that there had been another comment to the IRISES blog.  It was my son, Garic, the one whose photography I have posted a few times.  This was his comment.  "This is officially my favorite blog entry. I love you, Mom."  Well, a beautiful fall evening cannot get any better than this.  Thank you, Garic.  You will know how it affected me when you get the message I left on your phone.

And so, this post turns out to be a tribute to a beautiful fall evening and to my three amazing sons.  They keep me believing in the male gender!  They are full of integrity, sensitivity and compassion.  Some of the best conversations I have ever had on any subject has been in a room with all three of them and my two daughters-in-law.  I am so grateful.

I hope you too are experiencing the joy of a wonderful fall evening.

IRISES: A Poem

IRISES

I’ve planted Irises in my garden
Old-fashioned purples with yellow centers
And blue
I recall them in Mom’s flower bedsAlong with the salmons and browns
And brilliant red Cannas
She weeded them, bent over
Her mind a million miles away in thought

My horse, Fanny, nipped her shoulder once
While she was weeding
Fanny, velvet nose, horsey smell that I love
My fantasy-come-true mare who
Flashed an angry look at those she did not trust
But she nipped my Mom playfully, innocently

Irises…my great aunt Sylvia grew them, too
And Grandma and Dad (we grandchildren called him)
Aunt Jean had them growing along the sidewalk
I can smell their heavy fragrance from memory
Bundled into a glass vase and placed on the dining room table

They lined the front porch where I stood
With broom handle microphone and sang at the top of my lungs
Where I pulled Fanny up close so that I could swing my leg
Across her broad back
Mom would bring iced lemonade and set us in front of the fan
On those summer-days, so humid it was difficult to breath….
Like sticking-your-head-in-the-oven hot

Mom was warmth and kindness and safety….
Does she know she still is?
She says, at 82 she is ready to go
But does she know my more-than-weekly phone calls are not just for her?
I need her still….to tell my stories to
And knowing she is OK and interested in scrap booking,
Reading, Days of Our Lives, life
Grounds me
Lets me keep believing in unconditional love, in God….
In miracles

I water the Irises, long past their spring blooms
It is fall and leaves are floating through the air
I think of Mom, go inside my studio that overlooks the garden
And pick up the phone

-Jan Groenemann
October 8, 2009